Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
I fixed that meme about being a kind person
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Dear Adult Daughter… Having boundaries means that your mother may experience trouble or difficulty in regards to her personal requirements or comfort. And? You can still have that boundary, even if, for years and years, you didn't have it. You can express that boundary in a way that is kind*. You can choose not to verbally communicate the boundary and still have it. Your mother may feel annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, angry, hurt, and/or put out. You are not responsible for her annoyance, disappointment, frustration, anger, hurt, and/or put-out-ness. She might think you're being selfish. You may experience guilt. Because OF COURSE you will...you were taught that everyone else's needs are more important than yours. Guilt won't kill you. I promise. Much, much love, Karen P.S. Is it time? Are you ready to set some healthy boundaries with your mother? If you've been wanting to explore working together but you have a specific question or concern, please do hit reply and ask or schedule a free 30-minute consult to get your questions answered. *Speaking of being a kind person, I finally fixed this meme :-) |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
Question from an adult daughter: My mother wasn't a nasty, abusive mother, but she didn't protect me or my brother from my father who (due to C-PTSD/personality disorder) was intolerant and verbally abusive. As well, she was "politely" neglectful. From age five it was up to me to get myself to school on a public bus. I went to five schools before I was 12, and when I had an eating disorder age 16, I went to the hospital alone. She was too busy to collect me after a day of grueling...
Question from a reader: I’m in an endless battle with a narcissistic mother. Despite almost three years of therapy and years of inner work, the psychological damage that I have continues to fester, and I feel I am losing control of a life I never even figured out how to live. I’m also a writer, although my work lives in the notes app on my iPad. How do I stop letting this thought – I’ll only have peace when she’s dead – paralyze me? It can’t be true. Dear Adult Daughter... You're right, it's...
Your mother probably taught you that lying is wrong... ...so why is it so hard to have a honest connection with her? Why can you just tell her the truth about what's okay and what's not okay? What you are willing and not willing to do in the relationship? Rather than people-pleasing her? If you currently people-please her, it's not because you're weak and pathetic. It's not a "you" problem. It's because you were taught, like most of us, that being pleasing is safer than being honest. Her...