Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
revisiting the saying "if momma ain't happy..."
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Book recommendation: Big as the Whole Wide World: Finding Peace Beyond My Karmic Family Ties by Sherle Stevens helped me understand my mother in a way that she hasn't or won't be able to show me. A big part of this memoir is the estrangement the author experienced with her adult daughter. "I'd always given up my power to everyone, not just to the men I married. To anyone I hope would loved me. Especially my child." ~~~ You know the saying "if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy"? Here's why that not longer flies. ~~~ Why the queen isn't the real villain in Snow White. A bit simplistic and I appreciate what my friend and fairy tale expert Kate Farrell had to say: It takes a badass, self aware Snow White to call out the Wicked Queen and her crazy mirror obsession!! Ah, that mirror, though. In real life it's an equal opportunity mirror, unisex, all seeing, present in a wrap around culture of media everywhere—not just a green dude manipulating women, though he's part of the surround. I love the two characters' interplay, how they portray the internal dialogue of us all. We are both of them, talking our way out, breaking through, shattering the glass surface of false expectations, that we were never enough. On the blog: But Isn't A Little Bit Of Shame A Good Thing? ~~~ Check out this brilliant Hidden Brain episode on how to say no. My favorite part is that people tend to think they will feel good for saying "yes" (even if they really don't want to) and that they will be bad (guilt) for saying "no," but the evidence shows this is not the case. It also speaks to the idea that the best boundaries are the ones with have with ourselves. Much, much love, Karen P.S. Shame does not want to be scrutinized. That's why we bring a high level of scrutinizing to it. We are not afraid to see it because we know it's not ours. What a relief. What would be possible for you if you willing to see it?
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Karen C.L. Anderson
Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
"Should I tell my mother that her words and behavior are hurtful to me? How should I approach it?"Dear Adult Daughter...I will never forget a conversation I had 15-ish years ago with my father-in-law, who died in 2015. He was a soft-spoken, unassuming, and very wise Lutheran pastor originally from Canada.I was telling him about the difficult relationship I had with my mother and what I might do to make it better.He listened patiently and replied – quietly, simply, and with a cadence and lilt...
This morning I found out that I don't have breast cancer. I had been waiting for the news since August 28, which is when I had two stereotactic core needle biopsies on my right breast (two separate locations). As the days turned into more than a week of waiting for the news and the potential to have to wait through another weekend, I found myself in a weird dichotomy where two seemingly incompatible things were true at the same time. #1 My life is pretty damned amazing right now. #2 I might...
[Pre-S: Tomorrow, September 7, is the last day to register for Shame School] "...I've been struggling with my decision to remain no contact with my mom because I was partly using your continued contact with your mom against myself." "You had it so much worse than I..." "I just learned how to stop taking her words so personally and then I was able to have a relationship with her." "I am completely estranged from my mother and I am at peace...no guilt." These are things said to me, by adult...