Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
this isn't the "last day to register for Shame School" email you're expecting
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This morning I found out that I don't have breast cancer. I had been waiting for the news since August 28, which is when I had two stereotactic core needle biopsies on my right breast (two separate locations). As the days turned into more than a week of waiting for the news and the potential to have to wait through another weekend, I found myself in a weird dichotomy where two seemingly incompatible things were true at the same time. #1 My life is pretty damned amazing right now. #2 I might have breast cancer. One minute I was holding my breath and wanting to jump out of my skin and the next my creative impulse was firing on all cylinders and the next I was crying with uncertainty and anticipatory grief and the next I was laughing with abandon with friends and the next I was shaking my fist at the sky saying "oh hell no, I didn't come this far to die now!!" Because I am the healthiest I've ever been, I am grounded in my work in a new and exciting way, and my relationships are solid and fulfilling. I am practicing thought leadership on a level I didn't think possible for me. I am about to run Shame School for the first time. I have an actual coherent framework that helps people. There's another book in the works and I can actually, for the first time ever, see myself on a TED stage. What?? Who dis? Of COURSE shame showed up: if you have breast cancer that means you're the weak one, that you didn't "take care of yourself" because "you are stupid" and who the hell do you think you are teaching about shame?? [The message I got from my mother is cancer happens to stupid, weak people who have no one to blame but themselves.] Here's the part that takes my breath away: there is nothing like being present and connected to myself such that one of the scariest, uncertain, and potentially shame-inducing moments of my life was also a moment where I felt more alive than ever...and more joyful?? Seriously. There will be always be hard, scary, hurtful, panicky, frustrating, shame-inducing moments. Problems we wish to hell we didn't have. Shame School won't take those moments away. It will help you become your own fiercest and greatest advocate no matter what problems you face. If you've been waiting to sign up, today is the last day to do so. We get started next week! Much, much love, Karen |
Karen C.L. Anderson
Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.
"Should I tell my mother that her words and behavior are hurtful to me? How should I approach it?"Dear Adult Daughter...I will never forget a conversation I had 15-ish years ago with my father-in-law, who died in 2015. He was a soft-spoken, unassuming, and very wise Lutheran pastor originally from Canada.I was telling him about the difficult relationship I had with my mother and what I might do to make it better.He listened patiently and replied – quietly, simply, and with a cadence and lilt...
[Pre-S: Tomorrow, September 7, is the last day to register for Shame School] "...I've been struggling with my decision to remain no contact with my mom because I was partly using your continued contact with your mom against myself." "You had it so much worse than I..." "I just learned how to stop taking her words so personally and then I was able to have a relationship with her." "I am completely estranged from my mother and I am at peace...no guilt." These are things said to me, by adult...
Raise your hand if you've ever tried to mindset-shift or thought-work your way out of a problem. Raise your hand if you've ever tried to manifest or vision-board the perfect body, job, partner, money. Raise your hand if you've ever tried to positive-affirmation yourself into "your best life." Raise your hand if it didn't work. Raise your hand if you experienced shame ("there must be something wrong with me") as a result. Raising my hand! When you have internalized shame it's nearly impossible...