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Karen C.L. Anderson

Mentor to women who wish to take the lead in the relationship they have with their mothers.

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Featured Post

when she's not a nasty, abusive mother

Question from an adult daughter: My mother wasn't a nasty, abusive mother, but she didn't protect me or my brother from my father who (due to C-PTSD/personality disorder) was intolerant and verbally abusive. As well, she was "politely" neglectful. From age five it was up to me to get myself to school on a public bus. I went to five schools before I was 12, and when I had an eating disorder age 16, I went to the hospital alone. She was too busy to collect me after a day of grueling...

6 days ago • 3 min read

Question from a reader: I’m in an endless battle with a narcissistic mother. Despite almost three years of therapy and years of inner work, the psychological damage that I have continues to fester, and I feel I am losing control of a life I never even figured out how to live. I’m also a writer, although my work lives in the notes app on my iPad. How do I stop letting this thought – I’ll only have peace when she’s dead – paralyze me? It can’t be true. Dear Adult Daughter... You're right, it's...

18 days ago • 2 min read

Your mother probably taught you that lying is wrong... ...so why is it so hard to have a honest connection with her? Why can you just tell her the truth about what's okay and what's not okay? What you are willing and not willing to do in the relationship? Rather than people-pleasing her? If you currently people-please her, it's not because you're weak and pathetic. It's not a "you" problem. It's because you were taught, like most of us, that being pleasing is safer than being honest. Her...

23 days ago • 3 min read

Some thoughts about Jesus and healing (from a heathen a couple of days after Easter)... I had an appointment yesterday morning with a "helping professional" whom I found through a website/app that connects clients to professionals in a particular field. I had a specific reason for seeking out this help and on the intake form I was very clear about the kind of help I was looking for and what I wanted to know, as well as about what I already know and have experienced in regards to this issue....

26 days ago • 2 min read

Years ago – more than 15 – I was visiting my mother. She was in her kitchen and I was outside on the deck. I saw her looking out the window so I grinned at her. She looked at me with a sneer on her face, lifted her hand, and raised her middle finger. I don't remember what happened next because – although I didn't know it at the time – I froze. High alert. What I DO remember is that later I was both furious and devastated, a familiar set of emotions when it came to my mother. I told anyone who...

about 1 month ago • 2 min read

Two weeks from today! Please join me and my dear friend and fellow author Susan Ito here in Connecticut for a special event at Bank Square Books in Mystic on Sunday, April 7 at 5 p.m. Susan's memoir, I Would Meet You Anywhere, is a 2023 finalist for the National Book Critic's Circle Award and our discussion will center on mother-daughter generational rupture and repair, as well as how adoption plays a role in mother-daughter relationships, both on the biological side and the adoptive parent...

about 1 month ago • 1 min read

Dear Adult Daughter… Having boundaries means that your mother may experience trouble or difficulty in regards to her personal requirements or comfort. And? You can still have that boundary, even if, for years and years, you didn't have it. You can express that boundary in a way that is kind*. You can choose not to verbally communicate the boundary and still have it. Your mother may feel annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, angry, hurt, and/or put out. You are not responsible for her annoyance,...

about 1 month ago • 1 min read

Dear Adult Daughter... You don't trigger your mother...she is triggered by you. And that's her responsibility, not yours. Much, much love, Karen Get my newest book: You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma and Shame Listen to the Dear Adult Daughter podcast Work With Me

about 2 months ago • 1 min read

"When you fall apart, don't forget to love the pieces." ~ Bayo Akomolafe I had a panic attack late Saturday night. Heart pounding. Shallow breathing. Body tense and buzzing. Hot. Cold. Hot. Sick feeling in stomach. Cold. Dry mouth. Difficulty swallowing. All because my husband sat up abruptly in bed (which woke me up) after having a brief bout of heartburn. He then remained sitting up for a while. The trigger? One time(!) a long time ago he was sitting up in bed in the middle of the night...

about 2 months ago • 3 min read

I was honored to participate last week in Avaiya University's Recovering From Narcissistic Parents & Healing Past Family Trauma event (speaking of which there is one last chance to tune into classes with me and other relationship experts this week. So it's not too late to register, and once you do, you will receive an email with a link to watch the classes once the replays begin). One of the things I said in my class is that we often feel so much guilt when we try to set healthy boundaries...

about 2 months ago • 2 min read
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